Find ways help your felines preserve their nine lives and how to prevent garden gnome attacks in these wacky and irresistibly weird eBooks

You never know what you’ll find in the Kindle store… That’s why AnaMaria Glavan from Buzzfeed has done the work for you! Here are five irresistibly weird eBooks you won’t believe actually exist via Buzzfeed.

 Garden gnomes are coming. Are you prepared?

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) by Chuck Sambuchino

4.5 stars – 178 reviews

Kindle Price: $11.99

There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here.

Help your felines preserve their nine lives.

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives by Zachary Auburn

4.8 stars – 49 reviews

Kindle Price: $9.99

Long gone are the good old days when a cat’s biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives.

For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country’s defense by helping to prepare our nation’s cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets.

Looking for extra cash? No promises but here you go:

How to be a Drug Dealer by J. Rice

4.5 stars – 10 reviews

Kindle Price: $3.99

Are you tired of working all day and night without having anything to show for it? Would you like to be able to afford a vacation, or just be your own boss? This book will do just that by teaching you How to be a Drug Dealer!

Are you already a drug dealer, but want to expand your business? Look no further than this book to help you increase your profits and grow your empire!

Handy advice such as ways to tell if your loved one plans to eat you.

5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth by Matthew Inman

4.5 stars – 453 reviews

Kindle Price: $8.69

In Matthew Inman’s 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes.

“F” is for funny… and fail.

F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers by Richard Benson

4.2 stars – 537 reviews

Kindle Price: $6.99

F stands for “funny” in this perfect gift for students or anyone who has ever had to struggle through a test and needs a good laugh. Celebrating the creative side of failure in a way we can all relate to, F in Exams gathers the most hilarious and inventive test answers provided by students who, faced with a question they have no hope of getting right, decide to have a little fun instead.

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